yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
