with your own penis?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
