i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
