The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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