they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
