Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
