It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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