i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The adults are the big ones right?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
