Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
