My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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