I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
