too bad you live with your parents still
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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