when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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