her vagina looked like bernie madoff
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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