I wish I could teleport
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
