Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
