Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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