HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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