im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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