how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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