What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
