Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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