The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
