People with herpes should wear stickers.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
