Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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