You're completely useless in the revolution.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
