official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I need a burrito and a hug.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
