epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
