My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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