90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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