I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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