go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
