I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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