Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
