I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
