If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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