i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
