What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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