I'm gonna have a badass scar
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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