I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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