Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
