I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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