i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
