I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
