Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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