I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
