You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
