Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize