But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
