meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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