And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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