How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
