WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
