Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
