Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
