I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
