who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
