no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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