I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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