So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
