Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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