dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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