forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I deserve this hangover.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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