She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize